the nuisance of nothin..

my bloody birthday .. (literally)

stat 1/1.. aku nek flight ke manchester bila sumer org malaysia sibuk2 nak "new yer" hapekebenda tah yg havoc sangat.. cultural shock aku tgk bebudak ni! penin pale! .. sbb mat saleh kat tempat aku pon ilek ilek .. pastuh last last nyanyi auld lang syne semsama.. utk bagi spirit kat dorang mulakan tahun baru ..

ok lupakan..

sampai manchester, sumer benda2 seludup bahaya seperti ikan bilis overload dan spices lepas discreen oleh kastam manchester yg tiada bekerja!! cayalah!!

4/1 .. masuk ospital sbb ada tonsillectomy, operation simple yg melibatkan dr itu membiusku hingga pengsan dan gunting tonsil (yg ada kat kiri kanan anak tekak) sampai putus.. ’simple’ sbb biasanya area area situ dipanggil  Non-keratinizing stratified squamous epitheliel cell ..  jadi kalau apa apa yg berlaku pada tissue kat area tu senang baik sbb biasanya ada banyak capilari darah yg kecik kecik yg bawah itu, jadi senang baik .. (ayat ulang2) .. masuk jumaat pagi .. kul 10.30 masuk OT .. kul 11.00 balik ward smula lepas bedah..

tah kul bape.. x ingat,.. bila abis jer morphine yg dorang bagi utk bius tu .. aku pon bangun .. duduk kat katil .. tetiba jerk .. berdehem dehem kecil sket (macam lepas kencing tu..) terasa ada air mengalir laju kat tekak.. tunduk sket .. amik ko.. memancut2 darah kuar seperti kegembiraan sbb high baru lepas dapat dadah .. aku pon menekan button emergency memanggil nurse cumil english yg pelat yorkshire.. tapi dia x datang, yg datang nurse cubby bersifat keibuan .. belum sempat dia tanya " ya luv??" dia dah panik bila tgk cadar putil katil tu dah merah (banyak aa keje dobi dia lepas nih) dia panggil geng lain .. dengan doktor..

bebera minit lepas tuh, aku dikerumuni doktor dan nurse yg pegang kaki tangan dan belakang badan supaya tak kasi berbaring sbb darah mengalir lagi.. ada lak doktor terrel kat situ yg nak tgk gak dari mana datangnya darah ini dan cuba membaikinya.. suh aku nganga mulut .. pastuh dia tgk…  "oooh.. belah kiri .. " pastuh dia amik suction pipe utk prepare, dan berbekalkan tweezing scissors, dia pon gunting kat area tuh tanpa mengirakan ketabahan aku yg sangat tinggi nih ..

selepas beberapa dah guntingan kat area tuh .. dia suh sorang lain tahan area tuh dengan gauze hujung gunting .. masukkan aku smula dalam OT.. ok .. pengsan lagi .. bangun je dah berada di ward smula.. macam dejavu lak.. hehehe

dok ward sampai ari slasa.. ari sabtu, ahad,isnin .. tiada kejadian tragis berlaku kecuali kesimpatian aku pada org org dalam wad.. sumer pakcik2 wad ni sumer ada lubang kat tekak, jadi kami takleh bersosial sangat .. dak dak sheffield ada gak datang bawak macam2. tapi pelawat tegar yg slalu datang adalah zarinda, junior tissue engineering, bawak macam2 utk hilangkan kebuhsanan wad itu.. tapi biasanya tetap begitu .. sbb kepala penin .. tekak sakit ..

ari slasa.. dah leh kuar.. aduh.. kesyukuran ….

balik umah.. dok bilik .. pastuh tetiba terasa cam nak kuar ke west street pegi tesco sbb berlagak cam dah baik .huhu.. ajak min .. gi mandi umah baru .. gi tesco, makan mee goreng kat restoran cine.. balik umah smula .. tumpang bilik min tido .. sbb bilik aku sedikit kalut..  kul 3 pagi lebih.. rasa cam x sedap badan.. adoi.. cam demam la pulak ..

pastuh…………

alamak ..banyak sangat la pulak tulis.. penin baca… nnt ah sambung lenkali….

The more things
change, the more they stay the same. It’s the sentence that best explains my
tragic flaw: my difficulties ability to cope with the changes. I don’t think
I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it’s
kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible,
standing perfectly still… It feels safer somehow.

And if you are
suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of
faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected… Who knows what other
pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t
seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go.
You’re not a drug addict. You’re not hurting anyone — except maybe yourself a
little.

When we finally
do change, I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where
all of a sudden we’re like this different person. I think it’s smaller than
that. The kind of thing most people wouldn’t even notice unless they looked at
us really close.

Which, thank
god, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a
world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be
forever. That you’ll never have to change again. It probably won’t work out
that way, though, since things will keep changing. That’s one thing I know a
lot about: whether you like it or not, stuff keeps happening all the time. And
not always for the better. Usually not, it seems. But maybe it gets easier.

Hopefully that
first change doesn’t hurt too much, it  doesn’t
kill you, you don’t lose any limbs or an eye — or a friend—hmmm—probably
friend will. Then you figure you can do it again. It’s like when you have to move
something really heavy, like a couch, or a car that ran out of gas. You can
hardly budge it at first, but once it finally starts to move, it gets a lot
easier to push the rest of the way. As long as you don’t stop pushing.

So I guess you
can keep changing… a little at a time, once you get started. You sort of have
to, because if you don’t — if you stop and freeze up again — then you still
have that same flaw you started with after all. So you just have to take a
chance. Push yourself. Take that first step outside the box and hope it’s not
too horrible.

And enough small
changes can eventually add up, until finally you really are different. Even
enough for other people to notice, not just you. That probably has something to
do with growing up. I am not that old from inside (I reckon…)